Our Landlord’s Wife is a Witch Doctor

If a cat spits in your eye, you will go blind. There are three of them - brown, zebra-stripped, and black - sashaying on the fence to invisible music every day despite the broken beer bottles planted to keep them away. They appear promptly at the 7 pm call to prayer and send everyone at the Well running for their lives abandoning their buckets of water. I fetch my water early enough that I never have to encounter them.

“You know it is our landlord's wife, right?” Madu said one afternoon at the Well.

“Huh?”

“Iya Latifah! She changes into three of them. Black cats”

“They are not all black,” I said.

“Forget that one. They don’t want everyone near the Well when it gets dark because it is their meeting place.”

What incredulous rubbish is this fool spewing today?

“People have seen her change back before,” he said.

“Change to what?”

“Human”

“You get fever???” I hissed. “Comon help me and carry my bucket. Your story is too much.” I adjusted my aju and he helped me balance the iron bucket on my head.

Tochi and I returned late from school the next day. She forgot her lunch box and her mother will skin me alive if she has to buy another one. The gateman was on his way home and refused to let us in. I knelt down in the hot sun and begged for his mercy while Tochi shed crocodile tears. He let us beg for 30 minutes before allowing us into the school compound with only 10 minutes to find the box. Tochi watched me ransack her classroom for what felt like ages then remembered that she left it by the swing on the playground.

I tried to open the door when we got home but I could not find my keys. We waited outside for mummy to get back from work before we could enter the house. By the time we settled in, and I was ready to fetch water for the evening baths, it was 6:50 pm. I grabbed my bucket and aju headed for the Well when I remembered Madu’s talk. I flinched in fear but quickly ignored him and headed out.

Iya Latifah, our landlord’s wife, was pounding something in a mortar when I walked over to the Well. I bent my knees to greet her.

“E ka a ale ma,” I greeted.

“Shebi you have fetch water today?” Her voice was thin and shrill, a perfect accompaniment to the crickets.

“No Ma! I have not fetch water. I am just coming.”

“You cannot fetch water once it has reach 7.”

“Yes ma,” I nodded in response.

“If you try it…. You will see. Fetch that bucket and be going. Your water is okay for today.”

“Yes Ma! E ma binu… sorry ma.”

I trembled as I drew water from the well. She ignored me and continued her pounding. She hovered her small shrinkled frame over the mortar, the shawl on her head covered her face but the green veins on her hand showed her strain. Her pounding was slow and rhythmic, the tempo of croaking frogs.

Three pulls from the Well can fill my bucket, but in my uneasiness, I made it two. The intensity of her pounding increased, and the night screeched to match it. I hurriedly placed my bucket on my head, half spilling the contents everywhere as I smelled 7 pm approaching. I peeked into her mortar as I walked by. It was a bloodied mess.

The next day, Tochi forgot her assignment at school. We did not find out about this till we got home, and I pulled out my Quantitative Reasoning Textbook to do the truckload of assignments Mrs. Chika assigns us like we’re her factory workers. I was 5 minutes into my work when I noticed Tochi turning over the contents of her bag.

“What is the problem?” I asked.

Tochi kept rummaging her bag and whimpering on the verge of a breakdown. I grabbed the bag from her and there was nothing inside except broken pencils and crayons.

“Where is your assignment?”

“It is in my textbook?” she said rubbing her eyes.

There was no textbook or notebook in her bag and Tochi was crying like someone caught stealing yam. I wanted to ignore her, but Mummy will kill me if Tochi’s teacher complains that she is negligent with homework.

When we got to school, the gateman had gone home, and the school compound was empty except for the occasional hawker on the street. There was no entrance into the school except by jumping the fence. Tochi looked excited to jump the fence, but Madam will break my leg if anything happens to her child.  

She stood outside while I jumped the fence. I landed and my kneecaps buckled. I limped to her classroom and her Verbal Reasoning Textbook was right there on her desk.

“Foolish child!” I muttered.

She skipped right ahead on the way home happy to be spared her teacher’s wrath till we saw her mummy standing outside the gate with a cane in her hands.

“Where are you coming from at this time?” Mummy asked.

I kept quiet. Tochi managed to slip away, and Mummy focused her ire on me.

“Are you mad? Answer my question!!!! Look at my house eh!!! Scatter Scatter everywhere. Look at the kitchen, no water!! What have you been doing since morning???”

“Mu…mmm…y you see–”

“Who is your mummy? Are you mad?? How can I baff when there’s no water? I will go to work and then come back to this nonsense,” Mummy paused to catch her breath. “Before I close my eyes and open it, you have carried that bucket and filled my house with water.”

“They said… the Well at Night… Iya Latifah.”

“Don’t you dare try me,” she said. She whipped the cane across the wall, and I ran inside dodging the cane to find my bucket.

“You’re still here?” She asked the void. If I count 10 and you’ve not come back, you will sleep outside,” she said brandishing the cane.

I ran into the kitchen and grabbed the biggest bucket to make my trips fast. I heard the pounding before I reached the Well. It is 7 pm already. The night was whispering my fears back to me, the air felt colder, and the pounding intensified as I got closer, and I swear I could hear cats.

Iya Latifah and her huge mortar were in my purview; my knees bent in greeting, but she ignored me. I fetched my water quickly without a reaction from her. The silence was eerie, so I ran away half spilling the contents of my bucket. I could not gather the courage for the second trip. 

Madu pitied me enough to loan me a half pail of water after thoroughly cross-examining my story.

There’s a child crying.  The crying stretched on like hunger and neglect in one body. I covered my eyes with the deflated pillow and turned to Tochi who was sleeping soundly. The screeching stopped and continued. I felt eyes on me. A strong intense gaze. I opened my eyes. Across my window on the fence sat a small black cat.

The mosquito net and the window mesh made it difficult to distinguish at first, but lo and behold. It was a black cat. I blinked and looked again. Its glass eyes bored into my soul for too long. I felt it burning a hole in my forehead.

I sat up. The cat kept staring at me.

Stooppp…...

Go.Go.Go

Die!!!!! Dieeeeee

Blood of Jesus

Tochi woke up and slapped my arm, “Stop making noise.”

I held my hands over my mouth to stop the sound from spilling out. I sat up on the bed and held my pillow close to my stomach. The cat and I held eye contact forever.

“Every evil cat that say I will not sleep, you must die today. Please go…. Away… shoo … die…. now!!” I threw my pillow in the direction of the window.  

“Shut up! You’re disturbing me,” Tochi said and slapped her hand across my face. I sat up and wrapped the second pillow around my legs. Pussy Cat yawned and kept her glass eyes trained on me. She rolled across the fence, and the broken glass bottles did not interrupt her rolling and purring. I kept muttering die by fire under my breath afraid to wake anyone. The cat's hypnotic gaze was dulling my senses. I muttered dieeee till I drifted off. 

The next morning, a small crowd gathered outside the compound. There were three dead cats lying near the gutter with cuts on their bodies. Even in death, the black one maintained its cold glassy stare. Everyone gathered to express their shock and horror muttering conspiracies they were hesitant to share aloud.

Baba Felix, the caretaker, was having his sons move the dead cats into the gutter when we heard Iya Teju, Oga landlord’s second wife, shouting from Oga Landlord’s veranda.

“Yaaaaayyyyyyy” “Oti ku oo. Oti ku oo” Iya Latifah don die. Iyawo landlord don die.”

The crowd turned to each other in confusion and then realization.

Iya Latifah is dead.

From daybreak when news of her death was announced till sunset mourners trouped into the compound to pay their respects to Oga Landlord. Some of the mourners screamed loudly and rolled on the floor while the others sat in groups and quietly muttered about the circumstances of her death. There were whispers of the dead cats too. Baba Felix brought out extra chairs from his yard to seat the mourners.

Our house was still. Tochi went about her business quietly. Mummy got a call that school was canceled today. Some criminals broke into the school compound and stole some furniture from a classroom and the police were conducting investigations. She gave me some money and gave clear instructions that we should not leave the house.

Oga Landlord lived above us, and our ceiling was sagging under the weight of events happening there. Women screaming and running errands, children crying and angry teens tired of being assigned chores. Multiple women were pounding fufu in a mortar and others were selecting beans. Some cooking was happening upstairs, and more was happening at the backyard near the Well. There was so much to do to make sure they buried her today.

Of all the women doing the running, Iya Teju led the race. As the second wife of Oga Landlord and all the family responsibilities now fell to her. She ran into walls, knocked pans over, and ran to welcome the Iman and all the mourners trailing him. She ran to welcome the Iya Loja who arrived with a throng of market women and to abuse the butcher who took too long with the meat. Baba Felix’s son tripped and crashed with a crate of coke as she walked by him. She berated him for a whole hour and picked up the broken bottles with her bare hands without a single cut. 

There was no light in the house and the only illuminated part was near the parlor window where Tochi and I were watching the activities discreetly. We felt our stomachs grumbling at noon. The rumbling worsened as we saw hot plates of Amala, Ewedu, and Gbegiri travel from the backyard and exchange hands. While the mourners smacked their lips to contain the drip of the ewedu, somebody raised a grief song and two small boys who have been watching the proceedings since morning with hunger-charged eyes hurriedly accompanied the chorus with tin drums in hopes that food would change hands. Tochi and I were so hungry at this point, we could hear our stomachs waging war.

“Sista,” Tochi said, “If we do not eat something I will vomit oo.”

“What will you vomit, eh? You have not eaten anything since morning.” I replied.

“I will vomit everything that I have been smelling.” I eyed her and her ashen face made her look sick. She was holding her belly and taking deep dramatic breaths.

“Sit here. I’ll go and buy yam.” I collected the money mummy gave us and left the house.

There were chairs everywhere and people eating in every corner possible. They all looked up as I passed, and fear shivered down my spine.

Did they know? One old woman who was Iya Latifah’s age stared at me as she swallowed her amala. There was a black cat next to her with the same glassy eyes nibbling on her wrapper.

I saw it, lost my footing, and fell.

“Pele. Pele Omo mi,” she said.  Sorry sorry, my child.

She offered her hand and I quickly stood up to dust myself and examine the sting on my arm where I scraped the uneven concrete.

“You wan chop?” She pointed to the food. I nodded my head vehemently and ran away.

I returned with a hundred-naira worth of roasted yam and potatoes from Mama Chukwudi’s store and saw Tochi sitting on the floor of our veranda with oil on her lips.

“Tochi!! Tochi!!” I shouted as I struggled to open the door. “What are you eating?”

“Huh” she said, wiping her lips clean. “That woman gave me food.” She pointed into the distance and the woman from before was still staring at me. 

“You were taking too long,” she said, smacking her lips.   

“We don’t eat from strangers. Your mother will break your head if she hears this.”

“You will not tell her.” She smiled her manipulative wicked grin and continued chewing. A sudden hush fell on the compound as the funeral procession began. I rushed into the house as they brought out the body and locked the door securely. I pinched Tochi’s ear and she threatened to scream.

Iya Latifah's body was brought out in a hurriedly made slab carried by two people and laid in front of our door. I felt the shiver run through me again. Why did they place her right in front of our door? I would have to step out of the house and step over the place her body once lay. My feet started itching.

At about 5 pm, two men picked up the slab and took it to the backyard. “Are they burying her at the backyard?” I asked Tochi. She looked up from her word puzzle at my dumb question.

“It makes sense for her to be buried next to the Well na. That’s her house.”

“So, they want us to step over her grave as we’re going to fetch water? There’s literally no space back there,” I retorted. She ignored me and continued her puzzle. I tried not to imagine her grave. I started chewing my fingers to slow down my breath.

The funeral party slowly exited, emptying the compound. Mummy came back from work with a tired scowl on her face and I knew I should have fetched water earlier. There was no way I could convince Madu to give me any more water, and I was too skittish to go get some this afternoon because of the funeral. Maybe this is the day she will buy water and spare me the trouble of going back there.

“You want me to do what??” she asked, “Buy water when I have an able-bodied pesin that I feed with my money in this house. What did you ever do for me except cost me money, eh? What did your mother ever do for me except abandon you for me to feed? If I slap you with the back of my hand eh you will go and fetch water for me to baff.”

I took the bucket and went out determined to get water somewhere else. Nothing is getting me back to that Well tonight. There’s no way to break into another compound without being found out. Meruwas were still selling water and I remembered lunch change from earlier.

I snuck up to our bedroom window and Tochi was scribbling on a piece of paper. “Haa…. Why are you scaring me?” she shouted and held her chest in bewilderment.

“Hey! Help me bring the change from that yam money today.”

“Mommy has used it,” she said.

“To do what?”

“Buy rice for herself and medicine for me.”

“Medicine?”

“I am purging.”

“Purging?”

“Shitting!! Pooping!! Diarrhea!” She said in exasperation. “Be fast. She is scratching her body and will kill for her bathing water.”

The place changed dramatically since last night. Iya Latifah was buried underneath a fresh mound of earth far from the Well and within sight. There were simmering embers of firewood where the cooking had happened with pots and pans in different stages of being washed. The pungent smell of burnt amala and charcoal was suffocating. Iya Teju sat where Iya Latifah had sat last night and clutched the pestle in the same manner as she did. She was crying into the mortar and muttering inaudible things.

The backyard was dead silent except for the hovering of mosquitos dancing at the mouth of the Well. I really hope I don’t catch something from venturing into their mating ritual at such an odd hour. There were no crickets today. I turned away and started pulling my water from the Well.

“Arrghhhhh Arghhhhhhh” Iya Teju shouted, and I jumped. My Well bucket fell in with a loud splash.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, surprised to see another human there at that hour, “You don’t know they don’t use to fetch water at this Well after 7?”

“I am so sorry ma. My mama pursue me for house. She talk say I cannot come back until I fetch water.”

“Your mama no dey hear word?” she asked.

I’m sorry. I mouthed and looked at the tear paths on her face.

“What you dey look?” she shouted.

I looked down apologetic for my intrusion. Iya Teju slumped on her chair and continued sobbing.

“I am sorry for your loss,” I mumbled

“You know loss? Please forget your fake pity and get out of here,”  she said sniffing.

I start to head out then stop. 

“I saw her yesterday,” I said.

“Who?”

“Mama. Iya Latifah,” I answered. “I kill…. Am…mm??”

Iya Teju burst out laughing. She laughed hysterically and the laughter got progressively louder as it bounced off the backyard walls. I shuddered in fear and turned to run away.

 “Don’t you go anywhere! Come back here,” Iya Teju said wiping tears from her laughter. “Come back!!! Wetin she tell you?”

“Me? Nothing! Nothing oo,” I answered.

“My dear,” Iya Teju moved close enough to lay her hand on my shoulder. I could smell the gbegiri on her breath, “You did not kill Mama. But, if you ever come here after 7 pm, they will spit at you,” she smiled and pointed to the cats on the fence that I never noticed. 

I took my half-filled bucket and ran home.

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